I spilled the beans... well, at least not to everyone yet (plus my friends who do not know about my blog). :) I have been very anxious to tell my immediate supervisor about my future plans (the guy in Manila who is overseeing the stuff that I am working on) and I feel so relieved that I did. I know my friends would tell me that I dropped my 'ace' too early... but at this point, I do not really care anymore. I am not holding on it anymore because of the fear that it might affect my career progression nor my chance of backing out on my 'OZ-Plan'.

What triggered it?
We had a one-on-one meeting last July 25 and he was discussing the team structure and his expectations. It was in late June that he mentioned that I was nominated for promotion this year, and now he is telling me that there is a big possibility that it might actually come true. He has even informed me of my rating for FY08. [For a fleeting moment, I felt my face blush]. All that is enough for me to know that my efforts were appreciated.

When did it I spill the beans?
It happened last July 29. I was just like a casual conversion, that mid-way became a project status update to a one-on-one discussion about my future. I assured him that I am not leaving very soon, but just wanted him to be aware that as early as now we need to groom a replacement. I know the spot can easily be replaced immediately even if I only gave a months notice, BUT I just want to ensure that the people I'll be leaving behind will be in good hands even after I leave. I don't want them to end up with some 'so-so' lead who expects people to work very hard when he/she is hardly working. I can't expect everyone to be passionate about their work or their team, as some might have already lost that faith or compassion. I guess my problem is I have grown attached to the people I work with that I sometimes feel that I care too much. At the end of the day, it's just work - but the nice thing I have with them is even outside the not-so traditional working hours, the people I work with (and have worked with before) are still my friends. I do not want to burn any bridges nor make it hard for anyone because of my aspirations to move 'down-under'.

Honestly, this emotional torture that I have brought on to myself is one of the most stressful things I have done. Imagine planning out things for the people you will be leaving behind to ensure that they will be secure & taken cared of. It feels like I only I have a few months to LIVE and the only thing I will be leaving behind are memories and things I have planned out for them. I know this sounds a bit morbid, I really feel like I am going to die soon. Call it crazy but that's how all these feels right now. The thought of their life (my parents, relatives, friends, Jp) moving on without me still haunts me - and I am still preparing myself to accept that reality.

posted by celgee @ Sunday, August 03, 2008

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